An Imagined Conversation: Listening in on the director of the “Holy Diver” music video talk to Ronnie James Dio on the phone

Inspired by the “Holy Diver” video from my previous post, and the hilarious “Short Imagined Monologues” on McSweeney’s, I’ve composed an imagined conversation of my own, between the director of the “Holy Diver” video and Ronnie James Dio. For reference, please view the “Holy Diver” video before reading the conversation below.

An imagined conversation: Listening in on the director of the “Holy Diver” music video talk to Ronnie James Dio on the phone…

Ronnie James! Sorry, I mean Mr. Dio. Great to talk with you again. So my first concept for the video didn’t go over very well? Let’s just start from scratch, shall we? Great. What’s that? Just spent the weekend at the renaissance festival? And you’ve been inspired? Super.

So you want to start out in an old burned out medieval castle or something…I love it. I’m picturing the band playing in middle of the castle, some smoke, maybe, and…I’m sorry, what’s that? No other band members but yourself? Okay, okay, I get that. I mean, the band’s name is Dio, right? You’re the star. Got it. So, you, singing in the church…No? You don’t want to be singing, just walking…with a sword. Okay, we can get a sword, no problem. What’s that? Sure, you can bring your own sword. That’s cool. Where does one get a sword, if you don’t mind me asking? At the renaissance festival, of course. In retrospect, a silly question.

Moving on…so you’ve got the sword, and how about this: it’s a crazy battle scene, you’re fighting off evil priests and…no? Can we have you attacking at least a couple of dudes? Just one? Okay, so how about this one crazy guy comes running at you and you strike him down! No? You want him to just stand there? And he gives you a look? *sigh* No, Mr. Dio, I don’t doubt you’ve killed for less.

So what happens after that? You visit a blacksmith and get another sword? Sorry, but why do you need another sword? Uh-huh…um, sorry, you lost me at “velvet lies and life’s a never ending wheel.” Yes sir, I will listen to the song again. My bad. So, blacksmith it is! I’m sure we can cast some super buff, scary looking guy for that part. What’s that? You’d rather use a guy you met at the renaissance festival? I…uh…I can make that happen. So, you get this other sword from the blacksmith, and…YES! YES! Great idea, Mr. Dio. Mysterious hooded characters, very evil. Spooky room, I’m with you. And how about you fight them with the new sword! No? Just more walking. No, I’m sure that will be cool. People wanna see Dio, right? Not some silly sword fighting.

Let’s talk wardrobe. I was thinking leather, spikes, that kind of thing. Animal skins? Huh. Let me guess, you know this guy from the renaissance festival…Yep. No, I agree, let’s support local artisans. You got it.

What other evil shit we can add in here…I like this demon guy on the album cover, we could have a huge shadow creeping up, or…a cardboard cutout, you say? Not exactly what I had in mind, but…yeah. I can come up with some stock footage of fire or lava or something to put behind it. Are you sure? Okay, great. As long as you’re happy, we’re happy. This video is gonna be a classic.


~ by mikehill25 on June 22, 2010.

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